Overview: I wrote down this story as I swift the positions of wives and husbands. In my story Susan Mayer is not appear at the moment maybe in the future she will be in. Therefore, Karl is with his daughter, Julie Mayer. And Mike Delfino is not in story. As a wife and husband, there is Lynette and Tom Scavo with 3 boys and Penny, Bree and Rex Van De Kamp, Gabrielle and Carlos Solis and only Karl Mayer is alone in this story. Karl Mayer seems to love Edie Britt.
Tom Scavo was shouting to his three boys to come as holding Penny in a car park. At the time Carlos called Tom.
Carlos: “Hey, Tom !! You have just done shopping? Hi Penny. Look at you~ Did you buy something huh? Hi boys, be a good boy~ ”
“Yes,, we are !! Carlos,” three boys replied, and Penny gazed around.
Tom: “BOYS!.. Hi Tom. You are here for buy cloths again? You know what? Gabrielle requested me send you away from here when I see you at SHOPPING CENTRE.”
Carlos: “WHEN? Um.. Gabi.. You did not see me today, OK?”
“You are liar, don’t lie to kids!” Boys said.
Carlos: “Oh.. please~”
Tom: “Hey boys. Get into a car. Carlos, is everything alright?”
Carlos: “….. not really…. Anyway, don’t forget tomorrow I will see you at there.”
Tom: “Oh dear! I have not told to Rex yet. I will figure out. See you Carlos”
Tom picked his cell phone straightly and called to Rex.
On the phone:
Rex: “Hello.. Rex speaking.”
Tom: “Hey, Rex it’s Tom. I forgot to tell that we are going out tomorrow. Please, say that you CAN JOIN”
Rex: “Yeah… definitely. So, same place and same time again?”
Tom: “Yep, be there at N&N Restaurant by 7 o’clock. We booked name on Karl Mayer.”
Rex: “okay~ see you at there.”
Tom: “See you.”
The next day came and there are Tom, Carlos, Rex and Karl at N&N Restaurant. Their conversation was still going on.
Karl: “So, I bring muffins to Edie. These muffins were from bakery instead of making. You guys know well, I’m not good at cooking. And suddenly Edie asked me that what I put in there. My face burned with shame, and last hit was that Edie said she is usual customer of that bakery…...”
Rex: “How could she! Poor Karl”
Karl: “How can I get love from her?.. hey Carlos… you look uneasy.. What’s wrong with you?”
Tom: “Seriously, you are Carlos..”
Carlos: “ I…okay….I just had fight with Gabi before I went out… it is an unending fight… How come she doesn’t want to having a BABY…?”
Tom: “Maybe…. She is not ready to have.. Excuse me, it’s call from Lynette.”
On the Phone: as soon Tom answered phone, Lynette shouted.
Lynette: “TOM !! Penny DOSE NOT STOP CRYING! I NEED YOU!!!!!!!”
Tom: “Honey… Calm down.. Did you check her napkin?”
Lynette: “Yesh..it was not wet and I trying to make Penny sleep, but she is STILL ONLY CRYING!!... I think she is sick..”
Tom: “Hey Lynette.. maybe….I hope not.. Penny had her meal,?”
Lynette: “Eh? You didn’t give her meal? YOU’RE OUT OF YOUR MIND.”
Tom: “Lynette!!! She is a baby. she has small stomach! we feed her six time a day! Don’t you realize that??”
Lynette: “Well….. I Knew…. I just… you know what? You should tell me that before going out.”
Tom: “……. Honey.. I know you’re having trouble with your career but today is….. Nothing… I will get back home soon”
Lynette: “… .. No.. Tom.. you don’t have to come home.. early.. I’m ok.. Maybe I need some sleep… have a good evening… love you..”
Tom: “…..I love you, too”
After Tom off the phone,
Tom: “Hey… Carlos… You still want to a baby?”
Carlos: “….. I think it is early to have a baby… ..I should talk with Gabi… Sorry.. guys… let me leave…”
Rex and Karl looked in the face without saying anything, suddenly Karl said.
Karl: “Ok, I think you and Tom should go…”
Carlos: “see you guys.. and thanks a lot!!”
Carlos ran all the way to Gabi.
Rex: “Tom?.. you can leave too…. I think we are done today.. it’s not good day to hang over.”
Karl: “yeah.. Please~”
Tom: “… I appreciate…. See you soon guys.”
After Carlos and Tom leave, Rex and Karl also come out of the N&N Restaurant together by saying that.
Karl: “I think… maybe this time.. you could help me to make cake for Edie.”
Rex: “that’s the best word of today.”
Karl and Rex were the way of their home with smiling.
────────────────────────────────────
I'm ready to hear criticsim from you girls ^-^ please do that.... thanks a lot !!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hey Irene~
ReplyDeleteI like your fan fiction very much! Unfortunately, I don’t really know much about this drama very well, but I found this story very interesting and thought it’s very good idea that you’ve shift the positions of wives and husbands. I think it’s also nice to put overview of overall characters that how you will going to develop for this fan fiction, which helped me more about your characters of your story. As your story is written in speech marks, it was very easy to read and imagine the situations. It was very interesting! GOOD WORK!:)
Hey Irene
ReplyDeleteGood first draft. I was just wondering a few things. You said in your overview that Susan Mayer is not in the picture yet but may come in later on in the future. Is Susan still the mother of Julie or is another character her mother? Also, is your fanfic just one episode ie one episode called DESPERATE HUSBANDS or would it be a whole series with ongoing storylines?
I thought your fanfiction was good in that you reversed the roles and did this quite convincingly but you could possibly improve it by including more of a storyline. What you have done so far portrays the roles of the husbands as housewives and how they interact with each other. It could be a little difficult as many of the storylines in TV soaps are ongoing over many episodes and you are only writing one episode. You could incorporate a storyline in its initial stages and finish by leaving the viewers hanging and wondering what will happen in the next episode.
I particularly like the way you switched the roles of Lynette and Tom, that was really convincing. Tom is usually the one who can't handle the kids when Lynette goes out. The dialogue fits their characters, but in reverse.
I hope that helps. I can't wait to read your final :-)